Just for laughs!

This is the continuing story from State House, where Mwai hosted Moi last week. Three years ago, Moi was literally hounded out of the seat of power, bundled into a military plane and flown to Kabarak, for the first time in 24 years. Some of his ardent disciples were left in tears. So it was with a sense of nostalgia that the retired President returned to State House last week. Excerpts. Mwai: Karibu, karibu, Mr...uhhmmm mheshimiwa, uhhm Mtukufu. Moi: Just call me Moi, Emilio. It's been long since you addressed me officially. Mwai: Wewe na wewe. Basi, karibu Bwana Moi. Moi: (Casting an eye round the room) It feels good to be back here. You know this place harbours many good memories? Mwai: (Smiling) I envy you. I truly do. I haven't had a moment of rest since I set foot here. Moi: I know of your tribulations. Nimekuwa nikisoma magazeti. (I have been reading the newspapers). Mwai: (Hesitant) Uhhhm, the papers said you were part of the problem. Moi: (Fuming) Hizo ni porojo za watu wa magazeti (That's journalists' nonsense). How can I undermine the government of a man who deputised me for 12 years? Mwai: Precisely. And not when I did nothing to undermine your authority. Moi: (Smiling) Well, there was that small matter of the little money that you pay for my upkeep. Mwai: Your pension? Moi: Yes. The little money that your minister threatened to withdraw. Mwai: Don't believe that porojo in the newspapers. I personally wouldn't have allowed it. Moi: Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the reassurance. But that's not why you called me. Mwai: Uhhhmm, not quite. Uhhmm, uhmmm. Now, why did I call you? Moi: Umesahau!? (Have you forgotten?). You know that's what those Orange people are saying. That you forget fast. Like that piece of paper you signed and failed to implement. Mwai: What paper? Moi: I think they called it MoU, na kadhalika na kadhalika (etc, etc). Mwai: Oooh, that one. Moi: Yes, but remember I had dealt with Raila before and I know him well. Mwai: So what do I do with him? Moi: Hii ni mambo rahisi. (This is pretty simple). Weka Raila Kamiti na wengine wataogopa. (Jail Raila and the rest will be afraid). Mwai: Ai! His many followers will run amok and burn my effigy. Moi: I think people overestimate him. If you remember well, I jailed Raila twice. And when he learnt his lesson, I accepted him in my Cabinet. You did it the other way. Put him in Cabinet. Now you should throw him into jail. Twice. Mwai: (Sighing) Wewe na wewe. And what about Kalonzo? Moi: Hiyo ni kazi rahisi zaidi. Fanya yeye balozi. (That's easier. Make him an ambassador.) A country like Iraq is good. It will keep him busy. Mwai: And Ruto? Moi: Huyo ni kijana wa nyumbani. Patia yeye parastatal ya majani chai. (That's a home boy. Appoint him to head the tea parastatal. Mwai: And Uhuru? Moi: Parastatal ya maziwa. (Milk parastatal). He's experienced in the sector, having managed his family business. Mwai: What about the other rebels in the Cabinet? Moi: What Cabinet? I thought you dissolved it. The other rebels don't matter. And your way of saying it is by ignoring them. Mwai: (Sighing) Sounds all so simple. Moi: It's all so simple. You should have learnt from the master. Mwai: It's never too late to do that. Never too late. (They rise and shake hands, then step out for a photo-shoot. Such rare moments must be recorded for posterity). Source: www.communication.go.ke

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